On my way back home, after a long day of work, I spent my time (the 15 minutes it takes for me to walk from my office to my apartment) thinking of changes. I suddenly miss myself! It's a pretty weird feeling, but it's very true. I miss writing, composing, playing the clarinet, walking around just for the sake of walking, chatting, listening. Now I feel I don't have time for those things any more. More important than this, I don't really feel like doing most of these things, or I just don't know how to do them any more.

Take chatting for instance. I can't really sit down and spend some time chatting with people, getting to know what their problems are and playing of blind profiling. I easily get tired, bored, extremely boring, and start to feel bad about the time I'm spending doing this while I could be doing something more "productive".

I have an idea of what really happened for all this change. But it is just a simplified view of what really must have happened. I can't really say that my problem is that I have been studying too much and that made me boring, because I always studied a lot. I was always boring, but in the past I knew how to listen, how to not ask questions but answer questions in a way that would make the person in the other side happy with the answers. I was able to entertain people and make very good friends.

Another theory is that it was that suddenly I have a "real life" and I can't relate to the "virtual life" any more. But how real is my life? I keep fooling myself doing things I shouldn't be doing, I keep burrying myself in holes and just hoping that one day I may reach the other end of the holes, I keep doing things that won't really take me anywhere "real". Is this real life?

Maybe I'm just experimenting things. My "virtual life" was an experiment, now I'm into another experiment, and who knows what will come next... Maybe I'm just that deep into being a nerdy scientist. Probably, if this is the case, I should start working on building a network of friends in universities around, because this will be where I'll belong.

Well, I don't know. Maybe 15 minutes weren't enough to get anywhere. Maybe I should move to somewhere farther away so that I have more time to think while I'm walking back home or to my office.